"Dream Heaven" AV shop, Banqiao

Imagine this image in USA

This is a photo of a Japanese porn AV shop in Banqiao named "Dream Heaven", located near Nanya Night Market. And nearby is a small playground full of children and parents playing around. The boys in the photo are playing some video games very close to the shop. Imagine something like that in America? Is it possible?

[My UNIQUELY TAIWAN page][Photo by MKL, 2011]

Yellow beavers, foreign goons

Below are excerpts from a diary of a ______ in Taiwan (in italic text). I found it on the street while walking around Taichung, picked it up and decided to publish some parts for you. However I had to censor some things, because that's how we do it in Taiwan, we avoid communicating directly. And I'm sure you can fill in the blanks with many different words.

~The Doctrine~

"I'm not here to bash ______ and say that I despise them. I love their way of life and their culture, but that still doesn't mean that I won't trash them in every post I write or ridicule them for everything they do, because I know much better what is right and what is wrong. After all, I come from the pinnacle of civilization. I'm tired of hearing people say "That's the way they are". I believe that as ______ we need to change the culture everywhere we go, we are the foamed milk on top of the global cappuccino, we know better how other cultures need to behave in order to make them better, in the rare case almost as good as us. If you disagree with what I said, no problem, feel free to challenge me, but I will delete you for trolling."

~The Confession~

It's not easy to be a ______ in Taiwan. It feels like being here on a mission 24/7, I feel like a cultural James Bond, not an escapee, what most people mistakingly think of me (go figure!). Of course I also behave like one, when I walk around here. I really enjoy to play this new role, because back home I am nobody. But not only that, I am so dedicated to be the new ambassador of culture, that's why I chose to be an educator here, so that on the one hand I can start to change the local culture from the bottom up (excluding aboriginal people, of course!) and on another hand, I have short working hours, which gives me plenty of time to observe all the things Taiwanese do wrong (excluding aboriginal people, of course!) and then write about it on my blog (where other like-minded people usually applaud me). It's a pity that the community is so small and insignificant in Taiwan. One could say that I am actually wasting time and energy for something that doesn't serve any purpose and doesn't have any effect on anything. I am just somebody among nobodies, but that's ok, it still makes me feel great and superior.

~The Questions~

I really don't want to be mean to my brethren from ______, who decide to settle in Taiwan, but they are just not trying hard enough to help us ______. They are wholly integrated, usually accept the Taiwanese way of life with all its contradictions, try hard to blend in and they mostly don't work as educators. That's a problem. How can they accept things the way they are here? I don't get it. How can you go to Asia and not try to do anything possible to change the local culture, traditions and way of life? How can you not feel the urge to impose your superior views on them? No idea. In my country ______ we believe in going beyond the determinations and limitations of culture (of course not when it comes to our own), that's why we know exactly what's best for everyone.

Common belief: Taiwanese always need others to tell them what to do.

~The Answers~

I know that there is a big demand for people like me here and less so for people from ______. But can you really blame us for wanting to be here? Taiwan makes it very easy for us. We get paid better, we get treated better and we have enough time and opportunities to date the local population as much as we can, so why wouldn't we come? However I realized that there is obviously a huge misunderstanding between what we think we are doing here and what Taiwanese think we should be doing here.

While Taiwanese just need babysitters for their kids, because they work so much, a certain kind of us here (including me) see ourselves as cultural crusaders, who will educate and build up a new better generation of Taiwanese, that will have a global identity ("God forbid they would think they're Chinese!"). Some of them believe that it is better to pinyinize Taiwan as the first step ("Traditional characters are so troublesome!"), abolish Mandarin and all other dialects soon after that and make Taiwanese speak a global language only ("It's so convenient!"). It works in Singapore very well and everybody knows what a fine city Singapore is. This is how Taiwanese would look like after the cultural revolution of the current foreign missionaries:

Why can't Taiwan be like Singapore? Please, can somebody shrink this huge island!

I think these are some really good prospects for Taiwan in the future. Aren't you excited? Keep in mind that in this very moment someone stepped out of the plane at the Taoyuan International Airport and smelled the fresh breeze of Taoyuan County for the first time. He will take a bus to Taip... Taichung in a day, begin to educate your kids in a week and start to write a blog in a month. And then he will tell you everything that he thinks is wrong with Taiwan without even trying to understand the reality around him. Why is Taiwanese media not picking up on this? Why is the government not reacting? These bloggers should appear on national TV at the prime time and tell the Taiwanese directly how they should improve (don't worry, there will be subtitles in Chinese!). Their wisdom is probably the biggest resource Taiwan currently has and in case a political party is looking for campaigners and future ministers, I can submit a list of these bloggers, who would be perfect for the job. And they are usually very free, they can start working immediately. Well, keep in mind, that they want higher pay and shorter working hours, because they are... special. I am special, too, because my mother used to tell me that. How about yours?

MDGB's translation -

請不要太嚴肅去看待這篇文章，它是在諷刺。如果英文讀者因此而誤會我，我也沒關係，但我要確定的是，台灣的朋友們不會誤會我的意思。我只是想開個小玩笑，但我的點在於，我實在看不慣有些英文部落客不斷地在他們部落格上批評許多台灣人的行為，而且還認為他們比較聰明，可以做的更好。到底他們為什麼覺得自己有資格這麼想？如果事情只是用不同的方式展現，那並不表示那就是不好的。如果有些傳統對你來說很怪異，那並不表示它們真的很奇怪，除非你認為地球完全是繞著你轉的。我尊敬也喜歡那些在部落格上提出建設性意見的外國部落客，他們意見很值得被閱讀。但我真的很不能忍受那些從不試著從他們狹小心胸中站出來看看的外國部落客。因為他們其中的一個人覺得我什麼都不懂，搞不清楚台灣的狀況，所以我決定寫這篇文章。

我知道台灣有許多可以改善的，很多事情並不是那麼好。但有哪個國家是真正完美的？且誰喜歡看到外國人老是指著自己不斷地批評？我也承認我自己的國家並不完美，但我也不想在外國部落格上不停地讀到它有多不完美。有些人的批評缺乏建設性，或許他們只是想寫些很極端的東西以爭取注意，但這些注意就像曇花一現，一下子就沒了。我的方式不一樣，我不想要變成知名的台灣部落客，我只是想要分享在這裡的生活而已。從現在開始，我會分享一些不好的經驗，但我會試著去找到一個比較好的平衡以反應實際情形。台灣真的對我很好，台灣人對我很友善，這讓我很高興能住在這裡。

但是有些外國人非常討厭這裡，然而沒有人強迫他們留著。或許在他們心裡面，他們也不覺得台灣真有這麼糟，他們只是對自己的現況不滿意而已，於是他們把這些不滿意給轉移到別人身上。我不曉得是不是這樣，但我真不喜歡因為如此的原因而產生這些毫無建設性的批評。我也不喜歡有些人，老覺得自己比別人優秀，在這裡把自己當明星一樣。在台灣並沒有有名的外國部落客，甚至人次流量在平均值以下的年輕台灣美妝或者時尚部落客，他們的讀者都比任何一個在台灣的外國部落客還要多。但這些外國人可以每天都寫一篇評論台灣政治或者社會的文章，老是不停著寫著台灣跟中國的狀況，或者不斷張貼錯誤的英文拼字或者拼音問題，或是揶揄台灣男朋友對待女朋友的方式：這些都不會改變他們在這裡默默無聞的事實。

說起來我也是個什麼都不是的傢伙，但我很高興我有個可愛的老婆，一份不錯的工作還有很多朋友。我不需要去批評我所看到在我身邊不好的每件事情，我也沒時間去搞這些，而且台灣人也沒時間去管這些。我們同樣要工作、要吃飯，要搭捷運上下班，我跟台灣人幾乎沒有兩樣。那就是為什麼我看不到這些抱持負面想法的人所看到的地方。他們雖然住在台灣，但他們沒有真的過著台灣人的生活，只是在一旁冷眼瞧著台灣人，當他們的旁觀者而已。通常我不會在意這些人，但是因為他們批評我的新家台灣，所以我不能沉默。

Related: My life in Taiwan>>

Taiwanese shrimp farm sexy girl

A video, that will make your shrimps explode

Would she be too hot for your shrimp farm?

This video was shot at one of the plenty shrimp farms 釣蝦場 (pronounced diào xiā cháng) in Taiwan and became very popular on YouTube. The sexy girl is dancing like she's at a night club and all the men seem to be amazed how direct she is. The best part of the video is at 3.02, when she grabs a young guy's head and gives him a... well, you better see it for yourself! :-P I have to say I heard about this for the first time today and although it was new to me, I somehow wasn't shocked. You see a lot of crazy things in Taiwan and this one is one of the harmless ones.

What are shrimp farms?

These farms allow you to fish shrimps from their pools and the ones you catch, you can either bring home or barbecue them there and eat them right away. You only pay a certain hourly fishing fee. The prices vary, but they usually start at 150NTD per hour (that's around 3.5 Eur). Some farms differentiate the price by the gender of the shrimp, fishing at the pool of male shrimps is more expensive (not sure, if that's sexism or because the male shrimp is bigger). Some farms, like in the video above, hire hot girls to dance in order to entertain the men and attract more of them in the future. I have to say the marketing strategy is very simple, but highly effective.

Here are some photos from few years ago. My wife and her friend went to a shrimp farm:

My wife's friend caught a shrimp, yay.

And then they barbecued it right there at the farm.

That's how a shrimp looks like after it's done. It looks delicious.

My wife told me that a lousy fisher may only catch 1 shrimp in two hours, but there are people who catch over 30 in one hour. I'm not really that crazy about shrimps, so I probably won't be seen at some of these farms, but who knows. Maybe I'll go to see a hot performance.

How about you? How do you like the girl's dance?

[My UNIQUELY TAIWAN page][My TAIWAN page][All photos by LilyChen, 2007]

Paper Roll Funny

  www.FreeHDWall.Blogspot.Com

Mark Zuckerberg spent New Year in Taipei, the capital of Taiwan!

OMG! Mark Zuckerberg wants to be like me, part 2!

Some of you might remember a post I wrote a while ago, about how Mark Zuckerberg, the co-founder of Facebook, wants to be like me? Remember when I said he's white, blonde, has a thing for Asian women, is dating a Chinese girl by the name 陳, which is exactly my girlfriend's family name? If you haven't read that post, check it here. Many of you were skeptics at that time, among them nobody less than the most famous Malaysian travel blogger FuFu:

I wasn't even shocked, when he became Time Magazine's man of the year (I on the other hand became Jong Magazine's Man of The year). That was of course an easy guess, since both of us have transformed internet this year, so duh. But something else seriously baffled me today! You won't believe it, when I tell you where Mark Zuckerberg spent this New Year. He spent it in Taipei! Of all the places he could fly to with his private jet, from the Caymans to Mauritius, he went to Taiwan with his girlfriend (I would not be surprised, if she was Taiwanese, too) and was seen on various famous spots around Taipei. One of them was the Huaxi Street Night Market with the famous Snake Alley (See the snakes getting killed). Look at this photo and my photo on the right:

This photo is circulating around the net in Taiwan.

I was there! And suddenly he was there, too!? Do you think this is merely a coincidence? Are you really that naive? Of course he's reading my blog and thinks I'm cool, there's no other explanation for this. I'm sure he saw my Best Taiwan Blog 2010 Award, checked all my Taiwan posts and said to himself: »Wow, Taiwan is so cool. And he had so much fun in Taipei. That's awesome. I have to go there for new year!« And then he probably called his girlfriend Priscilla to show her my blog and said: »Babe, look! This guy is so awesome. Check his Taiwan posts. How about we go to Taipei for New Year?« She checked my blog a little and then most likely said: »Hon, we gotta see Taipei. It's uh-maiz-ing! OMG!«

I have to say I feel honored not only that he's trying to be like me, but also that he's reading my blog and using it as a resource for traveling. Mark, have you tried the snake soup or snake blood? I havn't... so I guess you haven't, too. How about frog? I have. I'll be soon in Taiwan, so when you come next time, we can go to some smaller night markets, where all the paparazzi would never expect you. I'll treat you some tasty bubble tea. Deal? ;-)

Btw, I even heard that he's trying to learn Mandarin (just like me!)... Are you even slightly shocked now? I think, if you follow my blog, you're not. If you're new here, pick up your jaw, it dropped on the floor. Now I have solid proof that Mark Zuckerberg, the co-founder of Facebook wants to be like me. Frankly, I am a bit puzzled about all this, I mean he is a tad bigger celeb than me. I feel very honored, though ;-)

Photos of Mark Z. circulating on the web (by Taiwanese): Photo 1, Photo 2, Photo 3
Articles about Mark Z. in Taipei (in Chinese): Liberty Times, Yahoo! Tw News, UDN.com

Related: [VISIT TAIPEI!][My TAIWAN page]

Jeannie Hsieh's 謝金燕 shocking video

You won't be able to forget that image

Do you remember the hot Taiwanese singer Jeannie Hsieh (謝金燕) I introduced a little while ago? Check this shocking video of her live performance and tell me what do you think by voting on the poll:

If you can't vote below, vote here>>

Taiwan's Master Zhuang Yuan rocks the dancefloor

Today is 10.10.10, which means happy birthday Republic of China, which is commonly known as Taiwan. So let's just say happy birthday, Taiwan then! Today's day is also named Double ten day. 99 years ago, on October 10 1911, an uprising led to the end of the last Chinese dynasty and the beginning of the first Chinese republic. Taiwan (since 1949) is the continuation of that first Republic and still holds its official name today.

To commemorate this day, I thought of sharing an exceptional Taiwanese man. This man has become an internet sensation in Taiwan and after you see him and his skills, you will not only be mesmorized by him, you will love him. His name is Master Zhuang Yuan 莊圓大師! And what's so special about him? Well, he loves to dance and...

He thinks he is Buddha or that Buddha was reborn in him.

He also thinks that the handsomest Buddha was reborn in him and that his actions are the actions of Buddha and that they show how Buddha would behave and especially how he would express himself in dance. Master Zhuang has a website and a Youtube channel Buddhacome, where he posts his amazing dance videos. Have a look of one of his famous videos:

Young Taiwanese, famous for being big jokers, found his videos and started to make parodies of him. If you're somehow sensitive to this kind of jokes, I suggest you don't look at the videos, although I feel they're pretty innocent. Here are some of the videos, that recreated Master Zhuang's famous dance moves:

Japanese para-para version:

Star Wars version

Video game version

The best is still Master Zhuang himself, though. Enjoy :-)
How do you like Master Zhuang Yuan and his dance moves?

OMG! Mark Zuckerberg wants to be like me!

Now he even has a Chinese girlfriend!

Mark Zuckerberg, co-founder of Facebook and world's youngest billionaire, finally revealed the identity of his girlfriend: It's Priscilla Chan and her ethnicity is Chinese. The fact, that she's of East Asian descent spurred various reactions from East to the West. Some stupid, some funny, some neutral. I must say when I first heard the news, I was a little surprised for about a second and then I was like whatever. I didn't understand what the fuss was all about, since my girlfriend's ethnicity is also Chinese.

And then after several days thinking about Mark Zuckerberg (ok, I'm aware how that just sounded!) it hit me! OMG, could this really be possible? Did he really do that? Could it really be? I was shocked and paralyzed at the same time, I didn't know what to think at the moment when I realized, that I came across one of Mark Zuckerberg's deepest secrets: He's secretly reading my blog, thinks I'm ubercool and wants to be like me!

You don't believe it? Let me show you some things that will totally change your perception of him:

• He's a young blonde white man, so am I!
• He has a thing for Asian women, so have I!!
• He spends a lot of time on Facebook, so do I!!!
• He's dating an ethnic Chinese girl (華人), so am I!!!!
• His girlfriend's name is Chan (陳), which is
  another spelling of my girlfriend's name Chen (陳)!!!!!
• He likes to wear sandals, I wore sandals during this year's Eurotrip!!!!!!

Do you need more proof!?!? O.o

I don't... It's mind boggling...... Now I know who's that daily visitor on my blog from Palo Alto, California. I gotta give it to him, though, he truly learns from the best. No wonder he became so rich in such a short time. Now I'm thinking, that it would be nice of him, if he'd send me a bunch of Benjamins as a token of his appreciation (Mark, please contact me via my contact me page). Alright, I know he won't really come out and admit, that he reads my blog or that he finds me ubercool or that his dating preference was affected by mine, so I decided to make a small poll only for him to discreetly confirm my suspicion. Mark, you can vote, I won't track (or eat) your cookies or IP address, your vote is confidential. Go here to vote, please>>

Oops, looks like Mark has been dating his girlfriend Priscilla for about 5 years, which totally rebuts my theory...

Anyhow... What's your opinion on Mark Z. dating Priscilla C.? Are they a cute couple?
Is China taking over the world, as some Chinese have said? :-P

[Related: Mark Zuckerberg in Taipei!][Photo 1,3: Source, Photo 2: Source]

"The soap opera"

My girlfriend asked me yesterday, if a certain store, that sells expensive soaps, had a shop in my hometown in Slovenia. I have not heard about the brand, but she said in Taiwan one soap costs 30€. I asked her to give me a link to their website. I checked their homepage, but couldn't see, whether we have the same shop here and how much it cost.

So I replied: "I don't know, if we have this shop, but the soap is expensive here."

She said: "How much?"

I said: "30€." (I made that up)

She said: "How do you know?"

I replied: "I don't know, I'm just guessing. Why do you want to know that?"

She: "I want you to buy the soap for me and bring to Taiwan."

I replied: "Why? Why do you need that soap? It's a waste of money. You already have so many creams and whatnot." O.o

See, men will never understand women with these things. For me soap is soap. I wash my face and I don't care whether it's Loreal or Carrefour. I don't even think about browsing a soap manufacturer's website. But I can spend hours browsing watches and hot girls. Yep, guilty as charged: A man's man. And I ain't gonna change that any time soon :-P

The Kofola incident and how Cockta kicked ass

Being thirsty makes you stupid. You better believe it!

After the extensive tour of Bratislava's historic center and after seeing the Bratislava castle from closeup, my girlfriend and I finally arrived back at the Bratislava Hlavná Stanica (main railway station) with the bus. It was really hot and humid, despite being cloudy most of the time. You would probably not be surprised, if I tell you, that we were not only tired, but mad thirsty. Oh yeah. And we suddenly remembered, that we haven't yet tried the famous Kofola, the Slovakian (previously Czechoslovakian) soft drink, that is usually referred as a former communist version of Coca-Cola and always recommended as something you have to try, if you come to Bratislava. We had some 30min before our train left back to Vienna, so we decided to buy the famous soft drink at one of the small shops in the station area.

Guess what? We were so thirsty and tired, our brains must have been hibernating or something, because we bought the first two Kofola's we saw! Oh yea. That's how they looked like:

We were happy to finally get the drink, that's recommended in every Bratislava guide. But then like a minute later, we paused for a second and thought: Wait a minute! Are we dreaming or is this real? We were totally puzzled. You may wonder what happened. This is what happened:

We paid 4€ for 2 friggin' Kofolas!

That's 5.13USD for two soft drinks! That's sick, man. We were angry at the boy and at ourselves. Well, in defense of the boy, we were pretty stupid. But remember, we were really tired and thirsty, can that be a good excuse? I guess the fact, that my girlfriend was Asian and that I had a big DSLR around my neck gave us away as tourists (duh!), so he just tried his luck and bam! Jackpot. Ok, I may be a bit over the top here, but still...

- - -

For those tourists, who want to buy Kofola at the Bratislava Hlavná Stanica, the main railway station, please don't repeat our mistake and don't buy Kofola at this shop:

This small shop rips off tired and stupid tourists like us.

The shop is located as the first on the right side of the station's main building, when you return from Bratislava's center. There are many shops like this one near the station and the prices for Kofola vary. They are usually between 1 - 1.2 Euros. If you ask me, it's still too expensive. That drink should not cost more than 50 cents!

- - -

Ok, so there we were, inside the station, waiting for our train, talking about the Kofola incident. My girlfriend was mad (like the girl in the video) and kept saying that it was wrong, that what he did made Slovakia look bad and that in Taiwan this can't happen. She wanted to go back and complain and ask the boy to give us the money back, but I held her back and told her, this is not Taiwan, it's Slovakia. The boy will probably pretend he doesn't understand English or what we want from him and won't give us back any money. And I didn't want trouble at that obscure station, believe me.

So the only thing we could do in that situation was to drink the Kofola. What else could we do anyway? And we were thirsty. So I open up that (lemon flavored) Kofola Citrus and slowly drink the thing... and the first thought that came to mind was:

It tastes like medicine O.o

Not only that, it also tasted like Coca-Cola after being open for three days... But we still drank it. My girlfriend and I finished one bottle in no time and we brought the other one to my home in Slovenia. I made jokes about Kofola during the whole ride and my girlfriend was slowly getting sick of it. At one point I threatened her to give her a new nickname: Kofola. I guess these were side effects of drinking Kofola too fast :-P

When we nearly arrived in Slovenia, I suddenly had an idea: We in Slovenia have a similar drink, which is cheaper, healthier and tastes so much better. It's called Cockta (short for Cocktail). I told my girlfriend I will blog about these two drinks and compare them. The next day I went to a local supermarket and bought a Cockta and decided to do a test.

The Slovak Kofola together with the Slovenian Cockta.

I poured the Kofola and Cockta in small glasses and gave my family a try. Guess what? My girlfriend liked Kofola more than Cockta =_= Ok, that hurt! I couldn't believe it, so I gave her more Cockta to try. It didn't help. She already succumbed to the hidden poison in every Kofola that makes you addicted and burns 30% of your brain cells. Ok, the rest of my family was divided. My mum, her boyfriend and I liked Cockta more, while my younger sisters and her friends liked Kofola more. So that day Kofola beat Cockta. I have no explanation for that. I drank Cockta in the 1980s already, because there weren't many soft drinks at that time, but the young people of today have an abundance of these beverages and may not know what is good and what not. Believe me, Cockta is good. If you come to Slovenia, try it.

See how many bubbles Kofola has? Scary.

Truth is, Cockta has a longer history and wasn't intended to be the communist replacement for Coca-Cola, but was meant to be an original drink. It has no caffeine and it's made of herbs only. Hence it must be healthy. I'm sure some Slovenian doctors prescribe it. The drink originates in the 1950s. Kofola on the other side was meant as a replacement of western soft drinks, was developed in 1960 and has more caffeine than Coca-Cola. Now if you're a Kofola fan and laughing at Cockta drinkers, we'll see, if you laugh in ten years from now when you're gonna turn into a toothless insomniac! I ask you: Why do you drink Kofola? If you're thirsty, drink water or Cockta, if you need caffeine, drink coffee.

Alright! I won't tell you what to drink ^_^. And I admit, I'm biased, because I'm Slovenian and because I got ripped off in Bratislava. But seriously: Cockta is better :-P

✰ Check the COCKTA homepage in English and follow the Cockta story>>
✰ Check the KOFOLA homepage in Slovakian and learn about the drink>>

I think Cockta has a better website, more creative than Kofola's (and in English). There is also a Kofola Facebook fan page and and a Cockta Facebook fan page, you can join them.

So what do you think, which is better, the Slovenian Cockta or the Slovakian Kofola?
Did you ever get ripped off for a drink and got really mad? What did you do?
Do you like Pepsi or Coca-Cola more? Do you have a famous beverage in your country?

[Slovakia is not Slovenia][All photos by MKL except Chuck Norris, 2010]
[Ps: Don't take this post too seriously, if you're a Kofola fan. Thanks.]

How to seduce a Japanese woman

by now most people in this world know that i am an expert of seduction of far eastern women. i have spent a big portion of my life studying women from the most eastern part of the biggest continent and my impenetrable seductive powers are admired and feared in the occident as well as in the orient.

i traveled, i observed, i listened. there were innumerable moments in my life, where a lovely lady gave in to her tidal wave of emotions and longed and begged for a single touch of my lips with hers. oh, how many ladies fell into my arms willingly and completely entrusted themselves to me.

too many, my friends. too many.

now that i am famous and few ten thousand followers can't wait to learn the wisdom i acquired through my several years long pilgrimages to asia, i am willing to unlock and dust off my inner marco polo and share a story about how i seduced a lovely japanese office lady from kyoto a few years ago. her name was saki. saki seto. her blossoming youth and the charming ways were electrifying and i couldn't help but to surrender to her appeal that was beyond tantalizing.

i used to go to that office building near kyoto tower from time to time only to see, if there were women that had that certain expression, the one that says i'm yearning for something more than the daily routine. i want to be fulfilled. i took photos of the building from the outside. it was a terrible structure and i wasn't surprised to see quite few women with that look inside. but then i saw saki.

she was different than other women, because she really longed for change in her life. her eyes told me that every single moment they met with mine. i admit, i was drawn to her, so when i had some free time (and as a photographer i had plenty of it), i was most often found around that building, where she entered and exited every day at about the same time. she worked overtime of course, because that's very common in japan. i was a ghost. she couldn't see me, nor my big camera, because i knew how to hide when i had to. i couldn't reveal my weakness for her or my utmost powerlessness in her presence or my nervousness even if she was a hundred meters away. i wanted to be invisible to her, because i needed to study her. i pasted her photos on the wall of my apartment, i wrote a list of all the things she does, like smiling, when she sees a butterfly passing by her office window or how she holds chopsticks in her left hand so skillfully. it took me seven days to figure out how i could conquer her heart. i will never forget that reality altering moment, where i realized that i just deciphered the ultimate way to steal the heart of every japanese woman. of course she wasn't every japanese woman, she was saki. saki seto.

saki in her office. i had the privilege to see how dazzling she looked at work.

she was beyond japanese, beyond woman, she was pure magic in the shape of a japanese woman. it felt as if god carved perfection and embodied it in her. even though i unraveled one of the mysteries every man in this world would not only envy me, but torture me in order to extract the secrets from me, i wasn't completely sure, that saki would fall for the ultimate move i have set up for her.

i knew i had to focus real hard. the next day i first headed to the east temple, where i tried to dispel the torment of my heart by restoring my inner balance with meditation. it worked. in the afternoon i found myself near that office building again. soon after arriving i saw her sitting in her office on the second floor. she diligently took care of paper work while charmingly explaining serious matters to her office mate. then she stood up and left for the main lobby. that was the moment when i thought it's now or never. i was ready. i walked quickly just to pause in front of the main door of the building. i saw her, she was standing near the elevator, checking some papers. snap! i took a photo of her. snap! i took another one. i started to approach her, when she finally glanced over, still not expecting that i'm about to ask the most important question of her life.

let's freeze the moment here for a bit. you must be wondering, what did i do, what did he say? i'm dying of curiosity. and don't worry, i will reveal the biggest mystery of all times very soon to you, but i must say something very important first: forget about all the websites claiming to be experts on how to seduce a japanese woman, i've read them all. forget about all the cultural differences they try to instill into your head, it's a sham!

they only want page impressions, that's why they lie to you. everyone knows that love is stronger than any cultural barrier. you just need to follow my way and you'll be fine, trust me. but now back to the situation.

so what did i do, what did i say? well, she was about to fix her shoes, when she saw me taking another photo of her. she looked up to my lens and smiled gently with her eyes asking what is it you want, lovely stranger? that was the moment where i finally had the opportunity to make the move of my life. i took a deep breath and then i asked what i had been planning meticulously to ask: would you like to share a bowl of ramen with me? the moment froze for few seconds. i could hear my sweat pouring down my back. i feared my broken japanese wasn't understandable to her, when she lifted her left eye brow in awe. but a second later she gently replied in her perfect japanese: yes, of course, i'd love to. i was released, her warm words jump started my heart in that very moment. it was electrifying.

in that evening we met near kyoto tower and she brought me to her favorite ramen shop. we shared ramen, we smiled, we joked. she held my hand, fed me, giggled. we had some intense 3 months before i had to fly to taiwan, where i became the celebrity i am today. all that happened, because saki inspired me to master the art of seduction. and i realized that food transcends everything, even the harshest realities and the steepest slopes of insecurity. now you know how to seduce a japanese woman or any woman for that matter: it starts by simply talking to them!

[Photo: Source]

The LOLCat competition 2010

Because there is only place for one LOLCat in this town

It was a while ago, when I teased my Mauritian friend Jaimie by saying my cat Mica was a bigger LOLCat than her cat Elle. She of course rejected my statement and said she has the bigger LOLCat. So I proposed a LOLCat competition with the rule of posting 5 funny photos of our cats with funny captions in the style of I Can Haz Cheezburger? website, that made the those funny cats popular and then letting you guys decide which is the biggest LOLCat among these two: Mica or Elle. Easy, right? Just look at the photos here and then hop to Jaimie's LOLCat post and check her photos of Elle and then vote on the poll, either here under my post or there on hers.

Mica

Mica (pronounced Meetsa) is born this year in April, so that makes her only 3 months old. She's very lively and active. Most of the day she's running around and attacking everything that's moving. She's very playful, but she also likes to scratch and bite. And many times she would have her tongue sticking out like a dog, which is pretty funny. She has a very long tail and she's very fluffy. I'm sure you'd love her, if you had her at home. She's adorable. Vote for Mica! :-)

My photos (shot with Nokia E66 cam, hence the bad quality):

Check Jamie's LOLCat Elle here>>

[All photos by MKL, 2010]

A famous blogger interviewed me!

I should have told you this before, but I was scared. I'm still electrified from what happened. But now I feel brave enough to tell you: I was interviewed by a famous blogger, by the fantabulous Johana Hill, the sexy blogette from the island O'luv. Let me tell you, how it all went down. Those who read Johana's blog, know how hot she's is and how many guys go woooooooooooh when she passes by. Then you can imagine how I was nervous, when I saw her curvaceous self approaching me in her killer heels. She opened the big gate of her villa by herself and I was surprised, that she told her security personnel to back off. She walked slowly and gracefully towards me, I was trembling and sweating from every pore. She gave me three air kisses on the cheeks and then gently took my hand and walked me to her interview room. We sat on stiletto shaped pink chairs, she crossed her legs slowly and I asked her to bring a towel, because my sweat was like a shower to me. She chuckled, when she saw me frantically wiping my face, then put on her sexy glasses, lit herself a cigarette and started to read the first question to me. I totally cramped, started to stutter, the situation was killing me. But since I've agreed to do the interview, I had no choice, I had to be strong and make it through alive! I tried my best to give some good answers to her killer questions. If I did well, I don't know... You can find that out for yourself, the interview was published here.

And don't forget to follow Joahana Hill. She's awe-sum! :-)

Photo sources: [1, 2]

How to trick people into thinking you're good looking

A hilarious and intelligent video by JennaMarbles

This video has over 3 million views at this moment and I'm sure it'll become even more popular in no time. JennaMarbles, the creator of the video, is really hilarious and although she's very funny, she does make serious points. Her point is: These days almost every girl can look hot, if she has good make up skills and fashion sense.

What do you think on the issue? Most of you would probably say you prefer a natural look. But then again, natural could also mean naked or with a leaf in front of your private parts ;-) I think once mankind started to take daily baths, combing and/or cutting hair and wearing clothes, we bassically said Eff you, nature.

Chinese blogger 妮妮 is a great example of extreme makeover (source).

I don't really feel turned off by fake eye lashes, dyed hair and a lot of make up. It all comes down to how it's done. And of course I still need to like the girl, when she removes everything. When it comes to my girlfriend, she looks good with heavy, light or no make-up, because she's naturally cute. But if the difference was as big like in the case of a Taiwanese blogger or the Chinese girl on the photo above, then I'd say "thanks but no thanks." :-) How about you?

My LOLcat is hot

My family has a new cat named Mica (pronounced Meetsa). It's so hot here these days, but we don't have an aircon, so she sometimes lifts up her long tail to get some fresh air to her bottom area (or so I assume). She's really funny. And only 3 months old, but so noisy and playful and always making funny noises. Not meowing, but more like murmuring. I think she'll give me many LOLcat moments. I'll post some more pics in the future, in case I capture a funny one. I think Mica looks a bit like Jaimie Tse's Iris, but she's less fluffy. Who's the biggest LOLcat? I say it's Mica. What say you, Jaimie?

[photo by MKL, 2010]

Paul the Octopus fed up with Germany: Spain wins!

Spain beat Germany in one of their best games so far - Germans are devastated

Everyone was talking about Germany lately, about the supposedly strongest team at the FIFA World Cup 2010. Even Germans themselves thought so, they were full of pride and confidence. Everything seemed to be going fine for them, they were winning like there's no tomorrow and laughing at their competitors. But then they made one big mistake: They messed with Paul the Octopus! They mocked him. German TV RTL dared to say that he will be wrong and if he's right, he'll be deep fried. That was a deadly joke. Spain beat Germany 1:0 tonight and German players were devastated after the game, crying and sobbing like little boys.

From now on everyone knows: Paul is always right. Paul doesn't predict the result, he makes the result! Never question Paul, never threaten Paul. Paul is holy.

This is what happened: Germany had one of the easiest Groups, however they beat the weak Aussies, lost against the medium strong Serbians and struggled against the surprisingly strong Ghana. And then they faced England in the Round of 16.

Germany won 4:1 and made fun of them.

Every German was happy and confident.

Then they beat Argentina 4:0.

That was the only great game they played.

But the match was overshadowed by Boogergate.

And then there were the semi finals. Spain, the current European champions, were the competitor and Germany dared to pester Paul the Octopus again, because they wanted to know, whether they will win or not. They thought Paul predicts the winner. They were so wrong. He was already fed up with them and all the jokes about other nations' teams.

Paul the Octopus decided Spain should win.

In all fairness to the Germans, England had their own share of confidence, that was beyond the common sense. But well... all that is part of football :-)

Those were the times, huh? :-P

I'm just happy, that we'll get a totally new World Cup winner. And although I think Spain has a better chance to win, I will be rooting for the Netherlands. On July 11, I will be wearing oranje. Both teams deserve to win, but who would not like to see the sexy Dutch football fans go crazy?

Who are you rooting for, Spain or Oranjelands?

[Photo sources: 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7]

I have two blogs

Some of you know (and most don't), that my blog was and still is made of two blogs for a while now, which had the same template and layout, same name and even the URL is almost the same. One is mykafkaesquelife.blogspot.com (the one you're reading now) and another is mykafkeasquelife.blogspot.com (click here). Do you get it? I just exchanged e and a, hehe. Has anyone noticed that before? I'm sure I have the second blog for over 6 months now and I only told few about that.

I use my 2nd blog for random pages, which you can access by clicking on the link bars on top. I want my blog to be a kind a fusion of a blog and an informative website. The way I make my user friendly pages really boosts my traffic and gives my blog more pageviews. And I intend to continue with that. The only difference is, that I plan to use my second (now green) blog as a kind of B-side of my main (currently blue) blog. I will focus more on Asian things there, like about Taiwan or beautiful women... I also plan to blog about my 2009 Hong Kong trip on that blog. You can follow me there, too, if you want, but I guess you'll do that only, if you're a die hard MKL fan, hehe. Anyway, up to you. Basically nothing changed, I only made it more obvious now, because I changed the layout a little. But basically, both blogs are one, like two sides of one coin. And both are My Kafkaesque life, one will just focus more on Asia, but that doesn't mean that the main one won't be about Asian things as well. Understood? Haha.. It'll take some time for you to really get it, but that's ok. I'm now confused, too :-P

World Cup predictions, vuvuzelas and funny Slovenia T-shirts

My musings about the crazy things surrounding the World Cup

Hello people! How's the World Cup going for you? So far so good, right? :-) Well, I'm really enjoying the games, especially because Slovenia won against Algeria 1:0! Yay! Feeling a bit patriotic, I must say, although I seldom do when it comes to my country. And I have to admit, the game was boring and unattractive, comparable to the one between France and Uruguay. Nevertheless, for such a small country like us, winning a game at the World Cup is an amazing thing. Heck, we even have the chance to qualify to the round of 16, if we beat USA this Friday. So please please please support Slovenia in the upcoming game. If we win, it will be a sensation. If we don't lose, it will be one, too. And then on June 23rd, we're playing against England, one of the top contenders. That will be a game I am really looking forward to, even though I'm a bit afraid, that England will beat us big time. But we'll see, anything's possible. We may be a small country, but we have a big heart and appreciate every moment in South Africa.

WORLD CUP PREDICTIONS: I don't think we will come very far. From what I saw, Germany is now for me the best team at the World Cup. They played amazingly well, scored 4 goals and made almost zero mistakes. It was a perfect game and if they keep this pace, they will be unbeatable. Of course, I must see Spain, Italy, Netherlands and Brazil playing their first game to really make a good prediction of the final winner. Argentina impressed me, too. But then again, I think there will be quite many surprises at this World Cup. Maybe a small team will beat a big one, come far, maybe even to the finals? Can that be Slovenia? I highly doubt so, although I would love to see that with all my heart. And I still wouldn't count out England and France, although they haven't played very impressive. I'd like to see England beat Germany in the quarter finals, preferably in a penalty shootout. Imagine Robert Green saving a penalty kick from Lukas Podolski and England wins the game? Whole England would go haywire, I guess :-P


VUVUZELAS: Are you annoyed by vuvuzelas? :-P It's funny, my previous blog post about this plastic trumpet has become hot on the Internets. Even the most popular Slovenian blogger Had has linked to my post and I'm finally getting some Slovenians here. Also over 100 people voted on whether the vuvuzela should be banned. If you haven't voted yet, do so here. People are still googling vuvuzela related stuff a lot (usually connected with shit and fuck, pardon my French). A lot of peeps are upset and that goes for folks all over the world, not just Europe. I guess the vuvuzela won't be banned by FIFA. It's sad, that extremists inserted themselves in the debate, on the one hand white racists abusing the issue to let out their hate towards Africans, on the other hand overly proud Africans, who inserted slavery into the debate. I think both are totally wrong and misleading. It's about a friggin trumpet and an annoying noise, that's driving the rest of the world crazy! Nothing else! The German national TV station ZDF filed an official protest note to FIFA, on the other hand the South African national team is encouraging their people to buy more vuvuzelas and make more noise. O.o Is that the African hospitality everyone's praising so much? I mean, can't there be a middle way like toning it down a little? Looks like the the extremes on both sides are becoming too loud recently, which is not good. I think most of people around the world would be happy, if the sound from the vuvuzelas would have some kind of melody other than the 90min long ear-wrenching beehive sound. It's definitely going kookies and sadly, those who view games from home, who are not in South Africa, will not enjoy the World Cup as much as those who went there and get drunk, party with the vuvuzela. It's a whole different thing and both have their right to enjoy the games. But please, find a middle way. Everyday outside South Africa the vuvuzela is the no 1 topic of discussion. I thought the games should be in the center of a World Cup, not a plastic trumpet.

FUNNY SLOVENIA T-SHIRTS: My girlfriend found these tees (see below and more photos here) on zazzle.com, a website where people can design their own. Actually, she was joking, that she'll buy the I Love My Slovenian Boyfriend tee and wear it, when she'll visit my home country Slovenia one day, haha. I think I would be a bit embarrassed with that, because as an interracial couple, we would already be very obvious, but a T-shirt like that would give us more attention, possibly some people taking photos and uploading on FB or blogs :-P What do you think about wearing such T-shirts? Since Slovenia has become more known due to the World Cup, I'm sure there's many of you out there who would like to show some love or affinity for my country. You can do that by getting a tee from the collection here. I'm not getting paid for promoting these T-shirts, I just think it's a great idea. Don't you think?

• What's your favorite T-shirt? Which one would you wear? See more pics here>>
  
• And what do you think about Slovenia's chances at the World Cup?
• Which team do you support? Do you watch the games?
  

Go Slovenia... Slovenija gre naprej... :-D

[Slovenia T-shirts source here][Chinese girl from a video, source here]

Some Taiwanese guys like them furry

...and they don't hesitate to show that in public!

Taiwanese guys. That's a topic my girlfriend could write a very long post about. If you ask me, there are so many types of them here, from the Super Junior type [click] who follows the latest fashion trends to betel nut chewing worker type [click], who does not seem to care how he looks like.

And then there are guys, who are somewhat unique in their own way. Maybe a kind of Taiwanese hippies? Who knows. Well, as I was walking home from the subway station a while ago, being busy with my cellphone, I noticed a guy walking on the street with fluffy slippers. On the street in bright daylight, mind you. I took two photos with my phone, but I apologize for the quality, the camera sucks, but the image is good enough to show a person with a pair of "furry bear feet like slippers" on the street in bright daylight:

There can be many reasons, why he was wearing them, but I can't tell. He seemed like a normal guy to me, a guy you would see in Ximending. Maybe that's his style? Or maybe he's in need? Who knows...

So, what do you think?

[My 10 crazy Taiwan photos][My TAIWAN page]
[Big photo by MKL 2010, Slippers photo here]

Condoms in Taiwan have chocolate flavor

Imagine your hot Taiwanese girlfriend waiting for you on bed...

...she's spread herself all over the sheets looking at you with big anticipating eyes... but there's something both of you don't have... something you really need, because the urge is there, both want it, both really crave for what most people call the best thing in the world: Chocolate!

Oh yeah! :-P So what do you do? You go out to a special shop, that sells all kinds of weird chocolate, be it in a shape of poo or in a shape of condoms. Yep! Condoms. Because Taiwanese are crazy like that. Do you remember the shit restaurant? If you loved that one, you'll love chocolate condoms. Ta daaah!

Wrapped.

Unwrapped.

This one was actually yummy, but very small for a treat. It's more like a funny birthday gift. To tell you a secret, I bought exactly this chocolate condom for Manju's birthday a while ago, but then I chickened out, I was afraid she may think I'm too crazy, haha.

So Manju, or anyone else, would that be a too crazy gift idea?

[Photos by MKL, 2010]